There should be a warning label on the Vanilla Sweet Cream Nitro Brew from Starbucks. I lie prostrate as I type, unsure if I should close my eyes or launch like a rocket to the moon. My blood is electrified. I can hardly move. Give me some bricks to smash. Pass me a pillow.
My son--the one with the mermaid logo on his hat--understands my condition.
"Why did you order it?" he asked.
"Because they pushed it on me; it's the first item on the menu!" I screamed sleepily.
I was already en route to Starbucks when I opened the app. At the top of my screen, it was more than a cup of coffee; it was an opera, and I could already hear the overture. Now, my brain sings like a soprano but feels like a baritone.
One might say the clarity of the 70 calorie label is missing the mark. Not bad, I said, when submitting my order. It wasn't until later that I discovered the dropdown data, more relevant to my grande order.
280 mg of caffeine (classified as "extreme" on caffeineinformer.com)
Nope, I wasn't warned. But readers, you are. Proceed with caution.
Oh wow! That should come with a head's up for sure! Noted:)
ReplyDeleteLove the craft of side-by-side antonyms as well. Even with your warning, that pic is calling my name. At least you got a slice out of it.
ReplyDeleteYou explained the balance that those drinks have in a very humorous way, and I appreciate the vivid imagery! Now, if you had kept typing long enough, we would have seen the 'crash' when you come down from that buzz!!
ReplyDeleteYikes! I guess they weren't kidding when they named it Nitro.
ReplyDelete280 mg of caffeine! Wow! My favorite part of your post -- "My son--the one with the mermaid logo on his hat--understands my condition." This detail is just perfect.
ReplyDeleteIt looks so good though.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the warning! You’ve captured this predicament perfectly.
ReplyDelete"it was an opera, and I could already hear the overture. Now, my brain sings like a soprano but feels like a baritone."How do you think of these metaphors, Leah?! Sophisticated yet simple. I love reading your posts as they effortlessly flow like an artisanal draft brew, smooth on the tongue with hints of sarcasm and lightheartedness. A 10 out of 10!
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