"Well," I said, "I can tell you're pretty upset about this. Would you like me to let Ms. Mack know how you feel?" He was still upset, but he said he'd like it if I e-mailed her. Because I'm a teacher, I'm wary of becoming that over-involved parent who scrutinizes everything my kids do at school; it can sometimes be tough to balance advocacy of my children and respect for the time and decisions of their teachers; I decided to take that chance.
Here's what I wrote to her (under his supervision, I might add):
Hi Ms. Mack,
I just wanted to touch base with you--Will was upset when he got off the bus today. He said that he ran out of time on a science assignment and that he was embarrassed about earning a check minus on it. He's wondering if there's a chance of getting extra time on the work. I told him that I hoped he had used his time wisely in class, but that I was proud of him for wanting to do well in his school work.
Anyway, I understand if this instance is an opportunity for us to talk more about Will's work habits. Otherwise, he said he'd be happy if I got in touch with you to let you know how he felt.
Thanks for any advice you have on this.
Leah
Later in the evening, once he'd relaxed a little, he wondered aloud what Ms. Mack would do, so Rob and I played out our conversation with her. Would she say, "Well, I'm sure Will would have finished on time, if only he...
- wasn't tap dancing on his desk...
- face-painting his neighbor to look like Spiderman...
- singing Weird Al Yankovic songs aloud to the class...
"Hey, I said, "I'm a teacher. I know what kids do when they're supposed to be doing work."
His mood was very different when he got off the bus today. "Science is my favorite subject!" he exclaimed. He reported that Ms. Mack gave him some extra time to finish his assignment because he was asking such good questions yesterday. He also said he finished another lab report and earned a check plus plus. Wow, an extra plus? Now, that's worth tap dancing about.
I've often been in a position of being the dad-teacher wanting to thread the line with teaching colleagues, and not knowing where the line is. I don't want to come down hard on another teacher, and yet, sometimes, their teaching is not up to par.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you wrote your letter and got the results. I wonder how much had to do with you being a teacher, too?
I was happy to get the view of your happy son at the end of your post. Tap dance away!
Kevin
It's good to hear that feedback from someone who's been in the same position. In this case, I don't think the teacher was in the wrong, but at a shy eight years old, I'm pretty sure my son wouldn't have had the courage to speak up--without a little help, he might have lost some trust in her and/or been turned off from the subject. Now the challenge is to guide him to advocate for himself in the future. All in good time.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job of handling this touchy thing to do. I just had to e-mail my son's teachers because he is perpetually disorganized. Your son learned a valuable lesson here - two in fact: You are his advocate and it pays to speak up.
ReplyDeleteBeth
Leah, this heartfelt post highlights the challenges that we as parents face when struggling with how to support and when to encourage independent learning. Thanks for sharing Will with us.
ReplyDelete